Who is in charge anymore?
Well, I don't know how you all are, but it's been a weird time for me. Another wave of realizing that despite all the layers of following the external authority that I've shed, there are still parts of me that are sad about realizing no one is "good" in a total way, no one is here to save us, no one ever has been.
I've really been appreciating Prentis Hemphil lately and this recent episode meant a lot to me, that there never has been a way for us to be good and that there is both good and bad in everything and that violence and dominance is not a bug, it's a feature of the programming of patriarchy, in the same way that poverty is needed for capitalism.
Being disappointed in people or ourselves can only happen as a result of us having expectations for anyone to be anything but human. As Byron Katie likes to say, "If I were thinking and believing, what you were thinking and believing, I've had done the same thing."
And as Audre Lorde taught, the only thing separating us from others is that we are just afraid of different things.
So, what's to be done about it all, who are we supposed to believe, what rules are we supposed to follow, how are we to know what to do if there is no ultimately right/wrong, good/bad?
Well, it might just be that human design is on to something and we are being invited into the era of being our own authority, the cross of the sleeping phoenix as it were.
This can be very disorienting, especially for those of us who come from religious households where right and wrong was very explicit or for those of us now who have tried to be on the "right side of history" and now feel pretty discombobulated on if that even exists.
Reconnecting with our own authority reminds me of that great moment in the old Julia Roberts movie, Runaway Bride, when she decides to figure out who she is and realizes she doesn't even know how she likes her eggs and she tries them a hundred different ways.
It is a process of bringing in the question, "why am I doing this?" into every moment.
Sometimes it can feel like starting from scratch, which can be pretty overwhelming. Sometimes folks recommend identifying your values, but even then, we might be choosing values based on what we have been taught are the "good" values to have.
Because it can be so tricky to connect with one's own true knowing, I was so delighted when I came across the Values Based Integration Process created by Heather Morgan and shared widely by Devon Price in his book Unmasking Autism.
I have been trained in using it to support folks in identifying guiding lights for themselves based on their own experiences of joy and aliveness.
Heather featured me on her blog recently as one of the providers and I wanted to share it with you all. I'm so happy to go through the VBIP with current or new clients. Reach out to me if you'd like to hear more!
