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In honor of the longest month of my life (January 2025) this is my longest newsletter yet...tldr: you can't fuck it up and be you <3
 Lavrans Svendsen of the Voice of Norway absolutely embodying my vibe right now.
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I have a gorgeous pussy...
Gemini and I were talking the other day (I had used up my chat gpt convos for the day and to be honest, I actually really enjoy Gem) and I was asking for memoirs about people who had rewritten the definitions of good/bad in order to live more authentically in the face of a culture with very strict limits on how to be "approved" and this book came up.
The undercurrent of my whole journey in this avatar has been "a mind trying to be good with a body determined to be bad" in the sense that my body has been too queer, neurodivergent, sensitive, blunt, compassionate, deep, unstable, etc. and keeps re-routing my mind's desire to be totally socially acceptable and socially lauded.
I want everyone to think I'm the "easy going, simple, good, nice, stable, sane, together, kind, generous, moral, clean, put together, smart, kind, capable" person and yet my tender parts continue to reveal themselves to be "too much, complicated, bad, mean, unstable, insane, scattered, cruel, greedy, immoral, gross, messy, stupid, cruel and incapable."
And not only are they all these things, they want to be loved and accepted as those things! The gall! So all of that to say, Gemini (which I think I like better because she feels sweeter and more personal and gentle and enthusiastic) recommended this book: You Will Not Recognize Your Life by Micheala Blei (free on Audible) and I loved it!
For starters, it is laugh out loud funny, read by the author and a true story. She journeys through feeling "not enough," getting deep into a hyper positivity group who has her chanting mantras like "I have a gorgeous pussy" and then coming full circle to own that while she could use some more self-reverence, she also wants to honor her own "negative" feelings as well.
The "spiritual" world is really into "manifestation" and it can be so easy to feel ashamed if you are not living your passion, loving your pussy, and flying on the high disc at all moments. While I 100% agree that we create our own reality and that there is absolutely a time and place for "stepping into our power," I also celebrate when I am confused, scared, discouraged and frozen in my weakness, all of it is a part of the game, you can't fuck it up <3
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 Letting Go of the Need to de-Greenify
I realized after watching Wicked how much more often I was singing The Wizard and I than Defying Gravity and it struck me that my old timeline was absolutely waiting for external approval and my new one seems to be all about becoming a source to self even if that means I become someone's bad guy in order to do so.
I find more and more that the things I am most eager to learn about and share are almost always a prequel to me being able to internalize that concept, and sure enough, as I finished up the RRP, processed a very challenging year of moving, welcoming a puppy and then letting him go, and entering into parenting a teenager, I am finding more capacity to unapologetically lean into being someone's bad guy, being disliked, being all the things I have been accused of, which I now see were just invitations for me to accept these things about myself, whew!
Life continues to amaze me in how much there is to explore and learn as we experience more and more safety in our bodies! I made a whole video about how I the song lyrics, tone and delivery of Defying Gravity really follow my journey with all this, so join me on that journey unless you don't want any spoilers!
 As I continue to explore the power of the RRP, I am learning deeper and deeper levels of how safety both internally and externally are reliant on our vagus nerve capacity.
The provider who supported me through it and I had a fascinating conversation about the experience that you can listen to here (it's only a black screen because of technical difficulties, lol).
 As I continue to see how the RRP plays out, the delivery may shift a bit and the price as well as I continue to understand what kind of support / provider involvement is required.
The RRP can help individuals to:
- Have greater access to their feelings
- Feel less anxious and depressed
- Sleep better
- Feel more relaxed, calm, and at ease
- Improve gut function
- Enhance autonomic regulation
How is the RRP different from the SSP? You can hear more about that below, basically the RRP is supporting interoception (our perception of the body's internal state) and the SSP supports exteroception (our perception of the external world). These two come together to make up neuroception, the subconscious process by which the nervous system detects and evaluates cues of safety, danger, or threat in the environment.
 Email me or set up an inquiry call to find out if it is a good fit for you. *Unfortunately, the RRP is also not recommended for people with active ringing in the ears, so if that is your experience, we can explore nervous system coaching instead.
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Herring's Law of Cure
 One of the fascinating things that the RRP has brought to me is the concept called Herring's Law of Cure. Basically, when we are suppressing things, symptoms may go away, but they may then return or shift in response to an unanswered need, and when we are "curing" or "receiving the message" we are likely to experience:
- Symptoms disappear in reverse order of which they appeared
- Healing occurs from the head downwards
- Healing occurs from within out, from most to least important organs, and from the centre to the periphery
In this conversation, I explore Herring's Law of Cure with Lisa who trained as a naturopathic doctor. We explore my experience of the phenomenon while going through the RRP and our thoughts on how the RRP is opening up these possibilities on the "physical" level and the "psychological," another place where mind/body is actually operating as one without overt differentiation or duality.
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Nice Free Resilience Resource
Unyte gave us providers access to Sounds True that is making content that is like a bit more woo than they usually offer (seems a bit Mind Valley/Gaia - esque), which is really interesting because I feel like the woo crossover with these listening therapies is high, but they've been so steadily scientific up until now, I have a hunch Stephen Porges is way more woo than he has presented. Anyhow, the Sounds True people sent this free resource and it looks like it has some good stuff so if you are looking for some supportive content, feel free to check it out: Resilience in Challenging Times Resources!
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What makes your life worth living?
A member of the community shared this incredible last IFS session with Richard Schwartz and Derek Scott, an IFS practitioner who was preparing for his own death, it is just beautiful. He also wrote a really beautiful book (I haven't read it but plan to). It has been so present for me that when we are facing uncertainty, disappointment, pain, loss and just the experience of not getting our way, it can be really unbearable to navigate without a sense of spiritual meaning, I've mentioned Man's Search for Meaning a hundred times, but it just is the best example for me of how creating a bigger sense of meaning outside of our circumstances is possible no matter how severe the circumstances are. Would love to know what are some of the thoughts/experiences/behaviors that make your life worth living, my list right now includes: sewing, watching this new rainbow galaxy light thing make my wall look like a nebulae, dandy blend coffee substitute with dark chocolate, the show Sense8, anything with Lilly Singh or Elyse Meyers, the podcasts At Home with BK and Ram Dass Here and Now, daily walks, making YouTube videos, my DBT class, exploring sexuality/gender/Autism (fun podcast with the ever awesome Devon Price here), anything about death/life and experiencing the wild ride that is parenting/hosting an emerging adolescent!
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Dark Feminine, the void and chaos
The idea of the dark feminine came up recently in the community and I invited two lovelies, Rachel and Noah to continue the conversation to share with you all....in the face of the Dispenzas and Abraham Hicks of the world, many of us have felt shamed by the idea that "you chose your reality" and "what you think about you bring about" so if you are sick, depressed, anxious, poor, not living your dream life from a beach with your gorgeous partner and very full bank account then it is your own damn fault and you should just manifest your way out of it. While I very much believe in the law of attraction and have even used it to create my own current dream life, I also have developed a deep and loving relationship with my experience of pain, loss, violence, fear, chaos and destruction. If this interests you, join us in the conversation, I feel like I'm going to be on this train for awhile...
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Laughter is the best medicine!
 hilarious and SO close to home ;)
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And nature is good medicine too <3
 Bioluminescence <3
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Interested in learning more about the SSP, RRP, the Work or just talking about ET's, esoteric ideas or anything else? book a free inquiry call here!
Interested in joining our beautiful online community? We explore nervous system stuff but also whatever sounds fun and lots of chat about Human Design, Gene keys, astrology, and ETs! We'd love to welcome you into our exploration of being together without obligation!
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