|
change is all there is....
Welcome to the many new members of the community who chose to connect with the Nervous System Work: Be the Change course. Most people remark that they have never thought of the phrase "be the change" in the way that I do, so I thought it would be fun to talk a bit about change.
Even though change is the only constant, the nervous system resists change at all costs! Why?
Even when we are in a less than optimal or even dangerous situation, the nervous system sees keeping things the same as safer than making a change because stability and predictability are the surest was evolutionarily to ensure survival.
Imagine a bird who lives near a thorny bush that produces berries. Each time they go to get their berries, they get a bit scratched, but they have figured out how to get in and out and there has never been a shortage of berries. There is another berry bush nearby that does not have thorns, but they have never ventured over there. They might find out the berries are poisonous, they might get attacked on the way over, they could get lost and hungry and not make it, etc. So they stay. Basically, the bird's nervous system prioritizes the certainty of survival in a familiar, albeit imperfect, environment over the uncertainty of a new one, even if that new environment could be better.
We are the same as the bird and have 500 million years of data in our DNA to ensure we follow this survival programming.
However, unlink the bird, we have human cognition that can have wants, desires, and needs outside of physical survival, and then you add it all sorts of people saying "what you think about you bring about" and we start to feel like our imperfect lives are all our own fault.
So what are we to do? Well, just bringing our conscious thought to understanding that we even have a nervous system that is wired to survive is a great first step. In doing this, we can release the shame and blame that can come when we don't acknowledge that our fear responses are autonomic, meaning unconscious and outside of our control. The amygdala (fear center) and the hippocampus (memory and context) are powerful and sometimes take over the pilot's seat. Especially when we are at low capacity.
A great second step is to understand how capacity works, that life always adds stressors and that we can learn to take some out (PLEASE skill, practicing mindfulness, expressing ourselves creatively, etc.), avoid putting them in (avoiding substances and reducing known stressors) and be honest about where we are at capacity wise with ourselves and others and adjusting expectations appropriately.
And then a great philosophy to hold along the journey is that the nervous system is far more likely to allow for baby changes than it is gigantic life overhauls. Consider the Titanic who crashed into the iceberg because it was too massive to have made an instant turn, its size could only sustain micro one degree turns without snapping in half. We are very much the same, one degree turns are much more doable for our animal bodies.
Another great philosophy to support us with the ongoing experience of change is that of radical acceptance/acknowledgement. You may have heard of radical acceptance but that word can be hard for people so my teacher offers acknowledgement to convey that we are not condoning the reality we are just acknowledging it. If I'm tired after going to bed late, that makes sense. If I had a dysfunctional marriage that ended in divorce as a child of generations of dysfunctional family patterns, that makes sense. If I have sensitivity to light as a person who has survived three TBI's, that makes sense. I don't have to like it, but I can at least acknowledge it and stop asking it to be different.
This shift allows the nervous system to let go of the defense state and for the amygdala to release you back to the frontal lobe where you can now say, ok, given this reality, what are the possibilities? This is where the world opens back up to you! One micro turn at a time, we can allow ourselves to be in this constant cycle of change, moving endlessly through caterpillar, cocoon mush, butterfly, compost, caterpillar, cocoon mush, butterfly, compost and so on!
|
|
|
Do you feel like a human?
 I loved this episode of the Bewildered podcast! Martha shared that she has never felt like a human and I 100% agree! I have never ever felt like a human and I have always felt totally baffled by humaning. I feel endlessly fascinated by it and attempted to impersonate it for decades but have always felt that there was some essential element that I would never quite figure out. I've been talking lately about just talking about your animal body and it's mechanisms rather than trying to figure out or achieve the complex machinations of what the culture says about how we "should" be humaning. If you've been feeling like you have do drag your human body through your current life reality, you might resonate with the idea that "nothing can be shackled to one system of behavior forever, not if it's alive." Us animals need play, novelty, comfort, rest and the typical cultural norm that we are outgrowing is void of all that. If you are interested in "how to train your human to slowly disappear from situations that you don't like," you might enjoy this episode!
|
|
|
Interdependence Bill of Rights
I am pretty sure 99% of us are a part of the Jessa-verse, but if you have not listened to the Interdependence Bill of Rights, I am here to highly recommend it. This planet has basically been split up into two groups for the past several millennia, codependents and narcissists (all to varying degrees of presentation). This stems from living in a parasitic system (cross of planning) which communicates that our needs can only be met outside of ourselves. (If you want to explore more about narcissism and codependency, my favorite teachers are Lisa A. Romano and Melanie Tonia Evans.)
So, as we shift to a system that is not parasitic in nature (cross of sleeping phoenix), we are being offered the opportunity to explore interdependency and assertive communication and to shed our narcissitic and codependent patterns.
But the truth is, most of us have never seen, heard or experienced interdependence, being assertive or being a source to self. So where do we start? My favorite book on the topic is How to Be and Adult by David Richo.
I talk a bit about it in the course, here is a sneak peak...
 The nervous system is usually pretty darn freaked out by assertive communication, the animal body will kick and scream if you try to stand in your power, but when we take baby steps, we can slowly but surely practice and increase our capacity!
(If you really feel like your drowning in codependency and like interdependence sounds impossible and terrifying and want to do a major transformation in this department, I highly recommend the NARP program, I've been using it for years and it has truly changed my life.)
|
|
|
When capacity doesn't match knowledge
 And remember, capacity doesn't always match our knowledge. When our animal body is feeling safe, well rested, fully fed, has had plenty of movement and play, we can tap into our knowledge and access learning, growing and even healing. But when our animal is scared, tired, hungry, stagnant and bored, learning, growing and healing are just plain out of reach. That's why in 12 step programs they practice HALT. If you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired, stop everything and take care of those needs! And if you are too worn out to meet your needs, ask for help! Call in sick, order some takeout, watch a heart breaking show and cry your eyes out until you are so tired you can get some sleep (may I recommend the gorgeous case study on codependency and narcissism, When Life Gives You Tangerines, I'm still crying). I'm willing to bet that you wake up feeling like a new person!
And here is the miracle, it's the false fear of "losing" that keeps us afraid of not "succeeding in our healing." There is actually nothing to heal, nothing to win, nowhere to get to, nothing that can be wasted or lost, whether the drop of water is in the ocean, a cloud, an iceberg, the rain, or anywhere else, it's always water. To be is all there is. You can be hungry or fed, tired or rested, a winner or a loser and in ALL of that, you've nailed it!
If you are interested in exploring more of this idea (the good ole' you can't fuck it up) check out Byron Katie's Loving What Is and Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj's I Am That.
|
|
|
Laughter is the best medicine!
 This is my absolute new favorite show, it is hilarious, sweet, wise and deeply expresses how confusing this planet is to me! And on the subject of impermanence and change, check out season 1 episode 9, they nail it!
|
|
|
And nature is good medicine too <3
 Woah, I've never seen anything like this!
|
|
|
Interested in learning more about the SSP, RRP, the Work or just talking about ET's, esoteric ideas or anything else? book a free inquiry call here, I have lots of openings right now!
I'm continuing to offer the big nervous system work online course (not the SSP or coaching sessions) that has an overview of most of what I've learned in this life for "pay what you want" ongoing. You can use coupon code: ECLIPSE100 which will make it free and then you can venmo me anything you want to donate @gazitchayankosi. Feel free to share <3
Interested in joining our beautiful online community? We explore nervous system stuff but also whatever sounds fun and lots of chat about Human Design, Gene keys, astrology, and ETs! We'd love to welcome you into our exploration of being together without obligation!
Feel life is too overwhelming to even take care of daily needs? Struggling with suicidal thinking or self harm urges? I cannot recommend any modality more than DBT. I have found a legitimate DBT resource that offers online live classes with replay available for the very low price of $19/month!! You can even try it out for a week for free! I have no affiliation with them, I've been taking my classes through DBT Path for the past decade and while I adore them and think they are the best DBT class money can buy, I know there are people who are not able to or ready to invest that much so I was thrilled when I came across Jones Mindful Living. Most cities have DBT classes that are covered by insurance. If you want help finding a DBT resource, please email me and I'd love to support you in finding something that is a good fit for you.
|
|
|
