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From why me? to what now?
 “Do not rely on the outer world as your measuring stick for your own spiritual growth. Rely on your response to the outer world to determine how much you have grown.” ― Bashar
There is plenty to be afraid of in 2026, depending on who you ask. Lots of folks are worried about all sorts of things, but here is the bottom line. There always will be and always have been pain and loss. The news is the same story over and over, just with different people, places and things. We are not in charge of the world, even though we have access to most of the world's info, so it is a strange experience, to try and be in the world but not of it, we need to stop looking at the world to determine how or who we are.
The doomsday reports are a distraction, we get scared and start to feel like it is not fair, that everything is happening to us, "why me?" can become very loud.
There is an alternative. With a supported nervous system, we can grieve into acceptance of pain and suffering and instead of asking, "why me?", we can ask, "what now?"
This shift into the frontal lobe puts us back into the driver's seat, "what now?" let's us notice what is happening (so we are not in denial and all that comes with that) and consider possibilities.
I like to play life like I'm on the Iron Chef (see video clip below if you're not familiar) like I'm on a cooking competition and they have just announced the secret ingredient and it's something tricky like, I don't know, vienna sausages, and you have to make a 5 course fancy meal including dessert using the ingredient. And then, a la cuisine!
 The ingredients of my current life were tricky: AFAB queer person with three TBI's by the age of 3 born into an evangelical Christian family, oof! But look at what a gorgeous life I've cooked up : AFAB queer TBI survivor spending each day like it's a vacation, having meaningful deep inquiry with incredible people, enjoying nature and creativity and good food and friends and books and life through the eyes of a 14 year old, better than any 5 star restaurant could come up with in my opinion!
Another great metaphor for this is the show Traveler's where people from the future drop into people's bodies as they are about to die and then use their bodies to try and save the planet but that means they are dropped into all sorts of wild circumstances, one person comes into a body addicted to heroin, another into the body of a woman trying to get out of an abusive relationship with an infant, etc.
 If we can acknowledge through radical acceptance that we are where we are, that life isn't fair, that it's not a reflection on our character or a blip in the matrix, then we can get on with it and learn what feels meaningful and create the life that will be worth living for us, not the life that other's think is meaningful or successful, but one that is worth living for us.
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Crisis support for the winter months
In crisis? FInd resources here and watch me call 988 below to see what it is like and have some questions answered about what you can expect, it's not just for crisis! You can call if you're lonely or overwhelmed too! and you can text!
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1,000 hours with you!
 This year I have spent 1,000 hours with you all in one on one sessions and I have to say, this has been the greatest joy and privilege of my life to walk alongside you in this unbelievably confusing life where "I don't know" is the only thing that we truly know. I so deeply respect and am inspired by each of your willingness to crack open your hearts, share your pain and your joy, find meaning amidst the rubble and build lives worth living, thank you for allowing me into your lives, I am forever grateful!!
In honor of this joy, I'm going to celebrate by making the first session free to the next 5 new clients! Book a free inquiry call with me to hear more!
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$22 ADHD and Autism Self Assessment Guide by Dr. Colleen Cira
And some tips for if it is hard to get up in the morning!
 This is the best self assessment guide for Autism and ADHD that I have found, especially if you are high masking, Dr. Colleen Cira is awesome and has some great tips on IG, see ones for getting up in the morning in the above video. The guide is all lined up with the DSM but in a neurocomplex affirming way and is perfect for understanding yourself or for taking to your therapist/doctor/evaluator, highly recommend for both kids and adults, 10/10!
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Braid death into life
I just want to broadcast everything that Alok has ever said into every heart on the planet and in the universe, this one really struck me, when it comes down to it most of us are worrying very hard and working very hard to stave off death, the one thing that is guaranteed us all...thought you might appreciate this one:
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Marie Kondo-ing your psychological inheritance
Remember Marie Kondo, the sparks joy lady?
 Our beliefs follow the same pattern. There are many beliefs that we have inherited that are precious to us (heirlooms), that spark joy and bring meaning to our lives and there are others that weigh us down (burdens), that pull us away from our true joy, our true self.
 Richard Schwartz, the creator of Internal Family Systems, and Thomas Hubl have written a new book, Releasing Our Burdens. Looking closely at these inheritances and helping us understand how to sort through and keep what you like and return the rest.
You can dive deep but if you want the short version:
- check in with how you feel physically on a regular basis (ex. every hour take 3 breathes and ask "how do I feel physically?")
- when you notice tension, pain, discomfort, offer yourself some nervous system exercises until it eases and then ask, what did this discomfort come to share with you or in Bashar's words, "what am I believing that makes is possible for me to feel this way?" (ex. I feel hungry because I tried to eat less because I believed good people eat less)
- Ask where that belief came from. (ex. my culture taught me that people who eat less are more self controlled, healthy and admirable)
- Ask your wisdom (big S self) if this aligns with who you want to be in the world? (no, I don't align with that at all, I believe our animal bodies are designed with perfect hunger cues and I admire people who respond with loving care to those hunger cues, I understand that the cultural belief is rooted in white supremacy and I am not interested in participating in that in my life)
- If it's an heirloom, tuck it into your heart, if it's a legacy burden, offer it back for recycling to where it came from, knowing that it was never yours to unburden.
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Body Grief (more about living in an ever changing body)
 More on this topic that seems to be UNIVERSAL, living in a body = loss. Our bodies, like all people, places and things, are ever changing and are ultiimately out of our control. So when we keep trying to control the uncontrollable, we can either get suffering or we can get grief. And the miracle of grief is the acceptance that can lead to creating a life worth living alongside accepting the reality of change, pain and loss in the 3D.
Jayne Mattingly is a person who has had to face this in a more intense way than most, after struggling with disordered eating, chronic illness and disability, she has surrendered into palliative care and is no longer trying to "heal." She has written a book called Body Grief, which helps us understand the experience of living in a body that is ever changing. In this beautiful article about the book, her book is quoted as saying "“Body Trust is a two-way street: in order to trust our bodies, our body needs to trust us to take care of it, be kind to it, and nourish it in all ways. This is a crucial component in the journey toward Body Trust, which is a journey without end.”
Being kind to our bodies involves first opening up to the possibilities that the rules we follow around bodies are ableist and made up and we can make up our own:
- Ableist rule: My body should be healthy.
Acceptance: My body is experiencing what it is experiencing.
- Ableist rule: My body shouldn’t need so much rest.
Acceptance: My body asks for rest, and I get to listen.
- Ableist rule: I should have more energy than this.
Acceptance:This is the energy available to me today.
- Ableist rule: Pain means something is wrong with me.
Acceptance: Pain is a signal, not a moral verdict.
- Ableist rule: I should be able to keep up like everyone else.
Acceptance: My pace is valid. My rhythm is mine.
- Ableist rule: I shouldn’t need accommodations.
Acceptance: Support is part of being human, not a failure.
- Ableist rule: I should look like I’m “doing well.”
Acceptance: I honor the truth of how I’m doing, not the performance.
- Ableist rule: My body is a problem to fix.
Acceptance: My body is a living process—dynamic, changing, worthy.
- Ableist rule: Other people have it harder, so I shouldn’t struggle.
Acceptance: My experience is real and deserving of care.
- Ableist rule: If I try harder, I won’t have symptoms.
Acceptance: Symptoms don’t mean failure. They mean my body is communicating.
- Ableist rule: I should be grateful and not complain.
Acceptance: Grief and gratitude can coexist. Both are welcome here.
- Ableist rule: I shouldn’t feel sad about what’s changed.
Acceptance: It’s human to grieve what was, and human to meet what is.
- Ableist rule: My worth depends on what my body can do.
Acceptance: My worth is intrinsic, not performance-based.
- Ableist rule: This body is betraying me.
Acceptance: This body is doing the best it can with what it has.
- Ableist rule: I should get back to “normal.”
Acceptance: I am allowed to live in the reality of now, not a past expectation.
What ableist rules have you been following and how might you reframe them?
The history of ableism is long and infinitely and unsurprisingly intertwined with racism and fat phobia. Slowly and with respect and compassion, we can begin to offer our scared parts other sources of information that may allow them to see that the monster they've been protecting you from was made up as a way to control us all. Alok Vaid Menon is my favorite describer of the experience of having a body in this world. This episode where they talk about the body as an altar was really transformative for me.
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Laughter is the best medicine!
 she died.
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And nature is good medicine too <3
 water songs sweetly in the woods
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Free nervous system basics class through Jumpsuit!
 I did a free nervous system class with Jumpsuit Agency of Telepathy Tapes fame, you can access it here!
I go through the basics:
- Polyvagal Nervous System Overview
- Autonomic Mapping : understanding your unique nervous system language
- SOS method (sense, optimize, self-inquiry)
- Effective Mobilization
- Radical Acceptance, Guidance, Inspiration and Creativity
- Self Inquiry
If you want to learn more or connect with me about it, book a free inquiry call here!
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Interested in learning more about coaching with me, the SSP, RRP, the Work or just talking about ET's, esoteric ideas or anything else? book a free inquiry call here, I have loads of openings right now!
I'm continuing to offer the big nervous system work online course (not the SSP or coaching sessions) that has an overview of most of what I've learned in this life for "pay what you want" ongoing. You can use coupon code: ECLIPSE100 which will make it free and then you can venmo me anything you want to donate @gazitchayankosi. Feel free to share <3
Feel life is too overwhelming to even take care of daily needs? Struggling with suicidal thinking or self harm urges? I cannot recommend any modality more than DBT. I have found a legitimate DBT resource that offers online live classes with replay available for the very low price of $19/month!! You can even try it out for a week for free! I have no affiliation with them, I've been taking my classes through DBT Path for the past decade and while I adore them and think they are the best DBT class money can buy, I know there are people who are not able to or ready to invest that much so I was thrilled when I came across Jones Mindful Living. Most cities have DBT classes that are covered by insurance. If you want help finding a DBT resource, please email me and I'd love to support you in finding something that is a good fit for you.
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